


Fraught

by RovingRomy



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: F/M, Happy Ending, Super Angst, pregnancy fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-03
Updated: 2017-05-03
Packaged: 2018-10-27 14:54:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,761
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10811265
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RovingRomy/pseuds/RovingRomy
Summary: She's exhausted, to start with.





	Fraught

She’s exhausted, to start with.

It’s not something she really notices, though, because Keyleth is _always_ exhausted these days. It’s been a constant stream of worry and fear draining on her emotions, and the constant battles and magic use wearing on her physically. And it’s been a long time since she slept through the night. Sometimes she just can’t fall asleep, staring up at the ceiling while Vax sleeps fitfully next to her, and some nights she drifts in and out, short spurts of nightmares interspersed between long stretches of praying for sleep and dreading it in equal measure.

So if she’s feeling a little more run down than usual, it’s not exactly strange that she doesn’t think much of it.

Then the… stomach problems start.

She thinks she’s sick, but then it stretches into weeks and she thinks it must be stress, the stress of knowing what’s coming in their fight with Orcus and his followers, the constant research, and the things Vax says in his sleep becoming more and more troublesome.

The phrase ‘morning sickness’ is something she’s heard, but it doesn’t happen in the morning. It just kind of happens… whenever. There’s no schedule to it, so there’s nothing that makes her think that it could possibly be…

And then Pike.

“This has been going on for weeks now?” she asks, her hand pressing into Keyleth’s forehead, as though she’s feeling for a fever.

Her hand is cool and Keyleth presses into it, her face flushed and hot after the violent emptying of her stomach. “Yeah. A few weeks.”

Pike’s expression is, at best, concerned. “That’s not normal.”

“I’m just stressed out. We all are.”

“Keyleth…” There’s something nervous in her tone, tentative and quiet as she trails off, her eyes flicking down to her hands. “You and Vax are sleeping together, right?”

The question takes Keyleth off guard, and she clears her throat awkwardly. “You mean like… in the same bed, or…?”

“Or.” Pike confirms after a few silent beats.

“Oh. Yeah.”

The look Pike gives her is significant, and Keyleth suddenly feels like she’s missing something.

“When was…” Pike trails off again, that awkward tone once again creeping into her words. She pauses, wringing her hands together and looking around the room, like maybe she can find someone else to finish the question. Finally, she looks Keyleth in the eye, but her demeanor is still nervous. “When was the last time you menstruated?”

Keyleth stares at her for a long moment, first trying to comprehend the question and then trying to understand what the question has to do with anything. And then…

Oh.

_Oh._

* * *

 

He’s worried.

Keyleth hasn’t said anything, but Vax knows she hasn’t been feeling well. She doesn’t sleep and it seems like she can’t keep any food down. At first he’d thought it was all stress, that she was working through everything that had happened to all of them. He’s been torn between saying something and hanging back, thinking that maybe if she needs him she’ll say so. But as the weeks go on and she seems to get worse and worse, he’s worried that’s not the case. And he worries that it’s not just stress.

And then things between them get….

Honestly, he doesn’t know. Everything seemed fine. She was sick, yeah, but that didn’t really change things with them. They still fell asleep wrapped around each other, she still soothed him when he woke from a nightmare. They still held hands under the table while researching and sneaked kisses when they were alone.

Then, all of a sudden, out of nowhere…

She keeps her back to him in bed, laying on her side, facing away from him. When he wakes from a nightmare he no longer feels her cool hands running through his hair, no longer hears her soft voice reassuring him. He wakes up, sweaty and scared, and when he looks over she’s still in the same spot, her back to him, her shoulders hunched up high.

During the day she’s quiet, and he misses her hand in his, her sweet kisses, the smiles she would give him every time their eyes met.

He misses her, and he has no idea what went wrong.

Maybe it is just the stress, he thinks. Maybe she does need to talk to someone but doesn’t want to admit it, or doesn’t realize it. So he tries.

A quiet and empty, “I’m fine,” is all he’s met with.

Vax is worried, and his heart breaks a little more every day.

* * *

She’s scared. So, so scared.

This was never the sort of thing Keyleth thought she’d have to do on her own. Vax has always been so devoted, and while they’d never really talked about what the future meant, she knew she wanted one with him, and she’d had the vague idea that maybe that would mean kids.

But Vax talks in his sleep. And with the nightmares comes the truth. That he thinks ever since his resurrection that he’s living on borrowed time. That he believes the Raven Queen is going to take him away. That his future is with the goddess now and not her.

It hurts in a million different ways. It hurts that he hasn’t told her, that he’s let her think that him coming to Zephra with her would be the beginning of their future when he thinks it’s just going to be a _break_ , a vacation before he swears himself to the Raven Queen for good. It hurts that she trusted him, that she pushed her fears aside and let herself imagine a future where she might actually be happy.

And it hurts that their child is growing inside of her and she’s going to have to raise that child alone. Without him.

It hurts.

She doesn’t tell anyone. Pike is the only one who knows, and the cleric is always attentive, always there to hold back her hair when she’s sick, always watching to make sure everything’s okay. But nobody else knows.

Of course, though, there’s Percy. Smart, observant Percy, whose eyes she can feel studying her constantly, like she’s a puzzle he’s trying to figure out.

“I don’t really know how to say this, so I’m just going to be blunt,” he says as he takes a seat next to her in front of the Sun Tree. “Are you pregnant?”

She cries, and Percy holds her, wrapping his arms around her and pulling her close, offering his silent comfort as she lets out all of her fear and pain into the fabric of his coat.

It hurts.

* * *

He thinks something is going on, something he’s not aware of, but he can’t figure out what it is.

It starts with Pike, who watches Keyleth carefully, making sure she’s never too far away from the other woman. When her eyes meet his there’s something there, but he’s not sure what. Guilt, maybe? Vax can’t imagine what Pike would have to feel guilty about, but that look in her eyes… she knows something he doesn’t.

And then Percy starts in on it, too, only his looks are more glares. Vax had really thought that they were in a better place, that they were repairing their friendship. But things have become chilly again, more than chilly, and he wishes he knew what he had done to make Percy so angry so that he can fix it.

And then there’s Keyleth. Whose eyes never meet his anymore, who seems to be making an effort not to look his way.

“I just wish they’d tell me what I did,” he says to Vex, a few glasses of whatever alcohol is laying around the Keep in to a self-pitying drinking session.

“How do you know you did anything?” she asks, pouring them both another drink.

“I had to have done something, the way they’re acting.” He watches his sister for a long moment as she puts the cork back in the bottle. “Percy hasn’t said anything?”

Vex takes a deep breath. “No,” she says. “I’ve tried not to ask directly, but when I approach the subject he gets kind of twitchy, like he knows something I’m not supposed to.”

“Do you think she’s sick? Like, _really_ sick?” He can barely get the words out of his throat, the thought almost too horrible to even voice. But it’s a thought that’s been running through his head recently, one of the few possible explanations he’s been able to come up with for what’s going on.

She looks at him, her mouth opening and closing a few times before she gets any words out. “No,” she says, but it’s not entirely convincing. “No, of course not. I mean, why would Percy be mad at you for Keyleth being sick? No, that wouldn’t make sense.”

It’s not the most reassuring thing in the world.

The thought of Keyleth being sick, really sick, is terrifying. He’s come close to losing her before, in battle, but this is different. If she’s sick it’s not something that can be fixed with a spell or a potion. The thought of it sends a cold fear through his body, settling in his stomach and making the alcohol there suddenly feel sour and wrong.

Everything is muddled and broken and he doesn’t know what to do.

* * *

She’s being stubborn. She knows she is.

She doesn’t care. This is too important.

“Keyleth, this is a bad idea,” Percy says.

“We’ve been preparing for this fight for months,” Keyleth responds, her words coming out in a whispered hiss as she tries to keep her voice down so nobody hears them arguing. “I’m not just going to sit it out.”

“You’re being ridiculous.”

“You guys need me,” she continues. “We’ve been planning under the assumption that I would be there. I can’t just not be there.”

“But it’s not just you that you’d be bringing into that fight,” he says. “You’re pregnant!”

Keyleth’s mouth snaps shut, her arms wrapping around her middle protectively. “I know,” she finally says, her voice small and tired.

“It’s just that…” Percy starts, sighing. “I’m worried that you’re trying to act like this isn’t happening, like if you act like everything’s the way it was before that this will just go away.”

She doesn’t have a response to that, because she’s not sure that he isn’t right.

“And if you’re thinking that putting yourself in harm’s way _will_ make it go away-”

“That’s not what this is!” she almost shouts, angry and hurt that Percy would think that. “I can’t believe you could even imagine that I would do that.”

He sighs again, taking off his glasses to pinch the bridge of his nose. “I’m worried about you. I’ve seen you in a bad way before, but never like this.”

Keyleth lets out a shuddering breath. “I know. But this isn’t about… _this_.” She motions to her stomach. “It’s just… I’ve watched all of you die at least once. I can’t just sit here while you all go off to fight a god. I can’t just sit here while Vax…” She trails off, sinking into the chair next to her. The memory of Vax, his body limp and lifeless, flashes through her mind, and she can’t stop the tears from falling from her eyes. Controlling her emotions has never been easy for her, but now that her hormones are all over the place it’s practically impossible. And given her current situation, her default emotions tend to be either angry or sad, making it all the more difficult.

Percy’s hand grips her shoulder, comforting in it’s steadfastness. “Okay,” he whispers. “Okay.”

* * *

He’s terrified.

The followers of Orcus all lie dead around him and his friends, and Orcus himself is… gone, whatever that means.

And there’s Keyleth, lying on the ground, limp and unmoving.

Vax falls on his knees next to her, pulling her head into his lap. “Pike!” he shouts, his voice desperate and raw. “Pike!”

Pike is at his side in a second, Percy and Vex hot on her heels. “Is she…?” Percy starts to ask, his breathing heavy.

“I don’t know. I don’t know,” Vax says, his chest tight as tears start to cloud his vision.

“She’s alive,” Pike says. “She’s breathing.”

“Can you heal her?” he asks, his eyes focused on Keyleth’s face. “I don’t have anything left.”

“Of course,” she responds, her smile comforting.

“Pike,” Percy says, his voice still low and panicked. “What about the baby?”

It takes a few seconds for Vax to register the words and what they actually mean. Once he finally does, his head whips up to look at Percy and Pike, still not entirely understanding what’s happening. Percy’s eyes are intense as they look at Pike, who shrugs helplessly. “I don’t know,” she says, her voice quiet as she takes Keyleth’s hand, calling up her healing magic.

Keyleth’s eyes open as she takes in a sharp breath. Her eyes are hazy and unfocused, but they lock on Vax. “Vax,” she says, bringing her hand up to his face, running her fingers over his cheek before her eyes drift close again, her arm falling limply to her side.

“She just needs to rest,” Pike says quickly. “She’s going to be okay.”

“What-” he starts, his throat suddenly dry, the tightness in his chest squeezing even more. “What did Percy mean? Baby?”

Pike and Percy exchange a look, expressions of guilt and worry passing between them. Percy’s gaze lowers while Pike turns to look at Vax, her mouth opening, but no sound coming out.

“Is Keyleth pregnant?” Vex asks, her eyes locked on the side of Percy’s head, an angry glare developing on her features.

“Yes,” Pike answers in little more than a whisper.

Vax looks around at everyone else, helpless, trying desperately to understand what’s happening. “She’s pregnant? Why didn’t she tell me?”

He moves his gaze down to Keyleth’s face, peaceful and still as she lies there resting in his arms. His fingers push a piece of hair off her forehead, smoothing her hair back. A tear falls from his eye onto her cheek and he wipes it away, smearing the dirt on her face into a long brown streak.

His focus is so completely on Keyleth that he doesn’t realize Vex has moved until her arms are wrapping around him from behind, her head leaning against the back of his neck. Her embrace is comforting, and as he lets himself sink into it, his fingers running through Keyleth’s hair as he does, he cries.

* * *

She’s cold.

It’s cold here, colder than anything she’s ever felt and empty, and Keyleth doesn’t like it. She tries to curl in on herself, to protect her body from the cold, but she can’t. She can’t move, and all she can see ahead of her is darkness.

“Am I dead?”

“No,” a whisper answers from all around her. “You are merely resting.”

She recognizes the voice, from when they were resurrecting Vax. She can almost see the Raven Queen’s pale white face in her mind as she hears the words, and the realization of who she’s talking to makes an anger bubble up in her chest. “Then why are you here?” Her tone is short and clipped, and a part of her thinks that it’s probably not a good idea, getting testy with a god. But she’s so angry, so scared, that she can’t bring herself to care. It’s reached a boiling point for her, and if she was apathetic to the gods before, now she’s downright _pissed_.

“You fell fighting a battle on my behalf.”

“It wasn’t on your behalf. I wasn’t doing it for you.”

“Nevertheless. You have done a great many things for me. Even more than you know. You do not deserve the fear and uncertainty you have been feeling.” The goddess’s voice is almost soothing, and Keyleth finds her anger ebbing, replaced by confusion and something that feels startlingly like hope.

“What do you mean?”

“Neither you nor my champion can know for sure which strands of the future stretch out before you. Do not assume what intentions I have for either of you.”

“But you do have 'intentions’ for us?” Keyleth asks, the words getting stuck in her throat as panic and despair start to creep back in.

“Indeed. My champion is fate-touched, and in turn are the people around him. Especially those closest to him. Especially the woman he loves.”

“No,” she says, shaking her head as her hands start to shake. “No. I don’t want any more of this. You don’t get to have my life. And you don’t get to have his, either. He gave his heart to me long before he ever made that deal with you. He’s mine.”

Suddenly there are two cold hands holding her face, the grip firm yet gentle. For the first time Keyleth realizes that it’s not just blinding darkness all around her, but that her eyes are closed, and she opens them, looking into the porcelain face of the Raven Queen.

“Do not assume what intentions I have,” the goddess repeats. “You both have a long, long path ahead of you.”

Keyleth is silent for a long moment, turning the words over in her head. “ _A_ long path?” she finally asks. “As in… one for both of us?”

The Raven Queen doesn’t answer, her fingers stroking at Keyleth’s face.

“Does that mean you’re not going to take him?” Keyleth says, trying not to let the hope overtake her.

“Keyleth of the Air Ashari,” the goddess says instead of answering. “The Voice of the Tempest. You truly are a force of nature. Keep him safe. Keep them all safe. You have great things to achieve.”

Before Keyleth can question her any further, her vision goes black, and she’s falling through through it, endless darkness, with no bottom.

* * *

He’s confused. He’s worried.

He’s terrified.

In the past few hours Vax has watched the woman he loves get struck down, feared she was dead, discovered she was still alive, found out he’s going to be a father, was faced with the possibility that the baby he just found  out about might be gone, and is now finally reassured that both Keyleth and the baby are fine.

It’s been something of an emotional whirlwind.

“The baby’s okay,” Pike says, her smile wide and relieved as she pulls her hands away from Keyleth’s stomach, the remaining magic from whatever spell she did dancing around her fingers. “Strong heartbeat. You’ve got a fighter there.”

Vax watches as Pike hops off the bed, unable to fight the slight smile that lifts the corners of his mouth. His kid is a fighter. _His kid_.

Pike’s hand covers his where it sets on the arm of his chair. “You should get some rest, Vax.”

“I want to be here when she wakes up,” he replies, not taking his eyes off of Keyleth.

“Are you sure you’re okay?”

He finally looks down at her, trying to smile reassuringly but only managing to lift one corner of his mouth. “I’m fine, Pickles. You should go to bed. Get some rest.”

She stands there for a bit longer, looking at her feet. Taking a deep breath, she looks back up at him. “She’s been scared, Vax. And angry too, I think.”

“I know,” he says, his voice cracking. “I wish I understood…”

“Just listen, okay? I think there are some things she’s been wanting to say for a long time and she needs to say them.”

Vax nods, and Pike squeezes his hand before walking away. The door shuts quietly behind her, and Vax is left alone in the room with a still unconscious Keyleth.

It’s a few hours until Keyleth starts to stir. She lets out a little groan that catches Vax’s attention, and he’s up like a shot, moving from the chair to the bed beside her, pushing her hair back away from her face. “Hey, Kiki.”

“Vax?” she says as her eyes slowly open. She tries to sit up, but falls back to the bed. “Ow…”

“Take it easy. You’re okay, but Pike says you’re going to need a lot of rest.”

“What?” Her voice is groggy as she blinks up at him, but suddenly her eyes grow wide and she starts to try to push herself up, one hand going to her stomach. “But-”

“The baby’s fine,” Vax says, gently pushing her back down.

Keyleth settles back against the pillows slowly. “You know.”

“Yeah. I know.” He tries to catch her eye, but she won’t look at him. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

“Why didn’t you tell me that you think the Raven Queen is going to take you and that you’re just on borrowed time?” Keyleth counters.

It catches him off guard, and he finds himself floundering, searching for an answer.

“You talk in your sleep,” she explains, carefully pushing herself up so she’s more upright, leaning on the pillows against the headboard.

Vax finds that he can’t meet her eyes, swallowing hard as the guilt starts to claw at his stomach. “I told you…”

“You told me that you didn’t think she was done with us. You didn’t tell me… all of that.”

“Keyleth-”

“So why didn’t I tell you? Because I trusted you and you were planning on leaving me. And I’d have to do this by myself.” She’s looking at him now, and the strength in her voice is surprising, but he can tell by the way she’s biting at the corner of her lip that she’s trying not to cry.

“I wasn’t planning on leaving,” he tries to explain.

“Okay. You just thought you were going to have to. And instead of telling me you let me think that we were going to have a life together.”

“Kiki,” he says, taking her hands in his. “I didn’t want to worry you.”

“No,” Keyleth responds, pulling her hands away and shaking her head. “No. That doesn’t make it okay. That doesn’t make it better. You’re supposed to know me. You’re supposed to know how big of a deal this, you and me, is to me. You knew how hard this was for me and how scared I was and you just kept on letting me think…”

“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry,” he says, bringing his hands to her face to wipe away the tears that have started falling from her eyes. “I was scared. And I didn’t want to think about it. So I just acted like it wasn’t happening. I’m so sorry. But Keyleth.” He lifts her chin so he can look into her eyes. “Nothing is going to take me away from you and our child. Nothing. Not even some feathery, cryptic goddess.”

“That’s not…” Keyleth sighs, pulling away from Vax. “When I was out… I saw her. And she told me… Well, honestly, I don’t know for sure what she told me. But she said we shouldn’t make assumptions about her intentions for us. I think she meant that you’re wrong. About her taking you, about being on borrowed time.”

“Are you sure?”

“I don’t know. Like you said. Cryptic. But… yeah. I think so.”

A laugh of thrilled relief finds its way out of his throat unbidden and he feels a weight he’s been carrying around for months now lift from his shoulders. “This is wonderful!”

“That’s not the problem, Vax,” Keyleth says. “Or at least not the only problem. You know how hard it was for me to get over how terrified I am of losing you.”

“I know. It was stupid of me. I was scared, and I didn’t want to scare you. I was being a coward. I’m so sorry.”

She’s quiet for a long time, and each second that ticks by Vax feels more and more tense, more and more terrified.

“I thought I was going to have to do this alone,” she starts, her hands finding his. “And that scared me. And being scared made me angry.” She looks up at him, tears streaming down her cheeks. “I’m sorry.”

“No,” he says, pulling her into his arms. “ _I’m_ sorry. I’m so sorry. I’m an asshole. I should have told you everything. I love you so much.”

“I love you,” Keyleth says, her face buried in his neck. They stay like that for a long while, close in a way they haven’t been in a very long time. “We have to talk about these things, okay?” she says, pulling back to look into his eyes. “We were doing a really god job at that before. We need to get back to that. Because it’s not just you and me anymore.”

“No more secrets. I promise.” He frames her face with his hands, leaning in close. “Hey. Are we really having a baby?” Just saying it makes the smile stretch wide across his face.

“Yeah,” Keyleth says, still teary eyed, but smiling for the first time in what seems like forever. Seeing that smile again makes Vax feel like the sun is coming up after a long, dark night. “Yeah, we’re having a baby.”

He pulls her into a kiss, their first in weeks.

It’s like coming home.

He kisses her until his lungs burn, and the smile that’s still on her face when he pulls back fills him with so much relief and joy. Letting out a little giggle, she pushes his cloak off of his shoulders. “Come here,” she murmurs, pulling him toward her. Vax quickly kicks of his boots and pulls back the blankets, sliding into their bed next to her.

“Is this okay?” he asks as he pulls her into his arms, noticing her slight wince as she turns toward him, her head resting on his arm.

“Yeah,” she whispers. “I’m perfect.” Shuffling toward him, she presses her body to his, her forehead to his chest. “I’ve missed you.”

“I’ve missed you, too,” he breathes out on a sigh, the relief he feels relaxing him in a way he hasn’t felt in a very, very long time. He presses his lips to her forehead, his kiss lingering. “I love you.”

Keyleth looks up at him, a look in her eyes that’s been absent for a long while. “I love you, too.” Her fingers stroke his jaw as she settles her head more comfortably against his arm.

“The baby,” Vax says, unable to not smile as he says the words. “Do you know what it is?  A boy or girl? I mean, is that something you can even know?”

“I don’t know,” she responds, a matching smile on her face. “I can feel it, though. Not moving around or anything. I think it might be too early for that. But it’s like I can feel it’s presence, you know? I think it might be a druid thing.” She gets quiet for a moment as her smile dims. “I wish my mom was here so I could ask her.”

“Hey.” Keyleth looks up at him, and he’s filled with that familiar need to bring the smile back to her face, to make everything better. “Pike said the heartbeat is strong. That the baby’s a fighter.”

“Really?”

“Yeah,” he says, happy to see her smiling again. He wants to stay awake, to enjoy the moment, to savor having Keyleth back in his arms and happy, but his eyelids are starting to get heavy, and he feels like he hasn’t slept in a very, very long time. Which is, in a way, true.

He can feel her eyes on his face as his eyes drift closed. “Get some rest,” he hears her say. “It’s been awhile.”

“You too,” he mumbles. “You’re sleeping for two now.”

The last thing he hears before he drifts off to sleep is her happy giggle, and it resonates in his mind and into his dreams, which are bright and happy in a way they’ve never been before.

* * *

She’s happy.

She’s in the arms of the man she loves, and while the future ahead of them is still uncertain, she knows now that he’s going to stay with her, that she’s not going to have to be alone. She can feel their child growing inside of her, and if she focuses hard enough she can hear the faint rhythm of a tiny, but strong heartbeat.

Finally, after so long, Keyleth feels like things are the way they’re supposed to be, and as she joins Vax in slumber, she lets herself do something she hasn’t allowed herself to do in quite some time. 

She hopes.


End file.
